Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
