if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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