Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
