He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
