she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
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As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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