I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
