Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
