So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
