that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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