I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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