Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I need moral support for this bender
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
