If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
