shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
3pm strippers are depressing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
