Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
