I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
