your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
