Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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