And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
whose ass print is on the piano?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
