Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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