he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
