I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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