I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
