Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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