Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
