i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
