i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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