Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
