I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
