her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
