remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
