I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
