If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
