Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
40s are totally the cure
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
