I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
