I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
