So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
