so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
