he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Im part way to drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
