All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
