So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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