Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
