My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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