i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
