walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
