When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
