...so i touched it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
