If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
