This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
