Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
