so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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