can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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