Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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