yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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