David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i out mim tonsoeep
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
