Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
