Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
