We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
