i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need moral support for this bender
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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