i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
