The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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