I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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