he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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