woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
