Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize