please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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