I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
