i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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