it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just found puke in my bra..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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