Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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