she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
