You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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