It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
