I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
