Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
