the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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