Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
