stop calling my apartment porn island.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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