So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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