ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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