it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
